This weekend, two strong desires came over me.
The first was to bake. And bake. And bake. I made frosted and sparkling Christmas cookies, berry bread delight thing, three different kinds of bread, and oatmeal cranberry cookies.
Not to mention, I cooked a sauce I've been in the works of perfecting---eggplant, onion, garlic, soft buttery mushrooms, ginger, tomatoes, and a dash of red wine. Simmered, simmered, simmered until everything breaks apart in a beautiful conglomeration of scent and taste. Poured over any kind of pasta or soaked up with bread.
But the second desire was not as easy to fulfill. There's this song...
It was always a Sara Bareilles song in the college that got to me. We sang a different one almost every year in my a cappella group, and they are piercingly beautiful. I wonder if Sara has a tap into my day-to-day ups and downs, the way her songs eerily line up with the events of my life.
However, since graduation, now a few years ago, I've been less in sync with her lyrics. Except, well, for one. This one song kept coming back, pretty much every single time romance failed me. Or I it. Or the universe contrived to bring me walking home, in the rain, where the only possible thing that shouldn't happen, happened. And so the recent heartbreak came upon me, walking in the rain already weeping.
I've tried to learn this song on the piano, to get rid of its hold on me. That never stuck, I also never made it through the whole way memorized. So I finally broke out my guitar, sat in my favorite place in the house, and did it. There were times in the last year when I couldn't sing this song without falling apart. There were also times when I couldn't sing at all, and I didn't.
What a great thing--- to be singing now.
This song means so much to me too (and my attempts to successfully play it on the piano have also failed thus far). So many tragic, beautiful, and transformational tears have been shed while listening to it, especially in the rain. <3
ReplyDelete