once

once
a long time ago
a young girl dreamed
riding her bicycle down
a quiet country lane
northern michigan her domain
and she dreamed
she dreamed
she thought what if, what if
what if, what if

once
still long ago
that same young girl dreamed
walking hand in hand
with a curly haired boy
in the snow
a few days before the new year
and they dreamed
they dreamed
he said what if, with me?
what if, with you?
she thought what if, with me?
what if, with you.
but she couldn't
see it through

they met at a party
no, the first time he saw her
she was sitting in her window
playing a sad french song on the guitar
but back to the night at the party
they had a lot of rum
and stumbled out in the viennese streets
he recited pushkin to her
as she sat
to catch her
tipsy fevered
breath

months later she said
what if, we tried?
what if, I came back to your side?
what if, an ocean meant nothing to us?
what if


she'll keep dreaming
she's dreaming

the fox dances

something woke me
6 am and
I sat up straight

something woke me
wasn't sure I knew it's name but I
tried to look it in the face

it wasn't real
but it wasn't fake
it wasn't wrong
but it wasn't right either

got outta bed
walked around
but it was darkness I found

warmed a cup of day old tea
grabbed the sugar
the milk had gone bad

washed my face
brushed my teeth
waited
it all came back

you went away
you didn't say goodbye
you didn't say why

trusting used to come so easy
loving too
time to time it is again

guess i'm learning
how to breath in and out
real slow

you went away
you didn't say goodbye
you didn't say why

lit a candle
watched the fox dance
golden on the wall

dreamcatcher
four years true
you've got some work to do

take this bad dream from my head
take this bad feeling from my limbs
take it away

you went away
you didn't say goodbye
you didn't say why

something woke me
6 am and
I sat up straight

something woke me
now I know it's name
it'll come round again

the way we live

writing poems on the grocery list
making rhymes in scottish accents
perfecting our pour-over form
dancing to the beat of our own
second-line band

we're happiest when creating
we're smoothest while making
(I'm messiest while baking)
the neighbor's hottest while raking

pick a sofa, stay a while
even if you're busy
honey'll put your worries at ease
c'mon friend, won't you please?

momma

how many times have you prayed for each of us?
a hundred? five hundred?

the neighbor blows his leaves around the yard.

cross -legged with pencil and cafe au lait in hand
my new, unkempt domain stretches out before me

did your prayers send me here?
did mine?


-written end of december 2017

christmas 2017


dixie cups perched by my toothbrush
telltale sign mom was here
tall matches and tiny matches
just because
leftover salmon in the fridge
candies in a camouflage stocking

sometimes you take care of me
sometimes i take care of you

it's good right now
to trade

soon we'll be twenty-great
and seventy strong
I hope we'll be having shakshuka
and challah for christmas supper
all along

different kind of love

hey there friend
I know you have a lot on your mind
I'm writing just in case you need reminding
that I'm here, you can talk if you want
I'll stay real quiet
you might not know,
but shutting up is something
I've been practicing
I can show you, it's true

I think you feel real bad
I think there's pricks of guilt and shame
The thorns get me sometimes too
You don't need permission
But I'm giving it to you all the same
I'm happy to call you by your true name

I don't need anything from you to be well
It's this wanting, that's what I have for you
Doesn't need to be today or tomorrow
I'll dream a little about the someday
until you come around again

It's this quiet knowing you exist
this quiet knowing, it's enough
It's enough for me
Go, be, do
I love to see you
off and out,
being you

Donny with the red shorts
Donny with the tricks
Donny with those skinny arms
climbing up the clock tower
and scaring me to bits

What happened, friend?
What did you do?
What did you think you had to escape,
you had to dive into the blue?
No use wishing I could have been there
No use wanting to know
But today it's washing over me again
These questions won't let me go

Donny, you were so serious
Donny you worked so much
Donny you wanted to be so good
and so kind and so true,
what did you make yourself hide
what did you make yourself do?

What happened, oh my friend?
What thought trapped you that day?
No use wishing I could have stopped you
No use wanting answers after all this time
but your voice, your light
is with me tonight

Donny, I didn't even know you well
Donny, I don't believe you could be in hell
Donny why did it happen
Donny why did you go
Donny I'll keep asking
Donny I'll never know

october 23, 2017 at the aviary 


dear tomorrow
dear today
dear blue sky
dear truck engine
dear crisp paper cranes
dear clear michigan lake
dear donny if you're listening 
dear hannah if you're singing
dear terry if you forgive me
dear ammah if you remember
dear daniel if you're waiting
dear davina if you're laughing
dear heart
dear lungs
dear eyes

do you hear the bells?
do you feel the breeze?
do you remember
do you know it, again,
do you know it
can you be unafraid 
can you be unafraid
today

---written about a year ago, the day I handed my keys back into the public school after 4 miserable weeks, feeling a fool, an imposter, a failure, but at least free one